So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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