He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
