So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
