The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
