Redeem this text for a blowjob
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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