yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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