Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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