he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize