Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
