you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize