I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
