During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
