i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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