I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
