Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
