Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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