So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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