I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
