Do you still have your period?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
