I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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