Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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