Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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