Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
