I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
