Barsexuality is the new black.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
