when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize