this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
