i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
