Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
as a side note pls kill me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
