That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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