somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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