Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
