We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
