So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize