i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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