I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
