it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize