My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
its not stalking. its research.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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