Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
