gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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