My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
