Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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