Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
