I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
