how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
