somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
