Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
40s are totally the cure
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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