So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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