Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
