Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
