My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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