After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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