I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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