Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
