its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize