Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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