Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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