I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
