i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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