I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
