she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
