So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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