im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
